ive lived a lot of life lately
Nov. 18th, 2025 01:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hitotachiright off the bat, i'm giving up on formatting this post in any formal or standard manner. writing is hard enough as is and i'd prefer to lay down my thoughts without worrying about punctuation, formatting, and cadence for once. this is sort of a departure from the rest of the things i've posted on here, in part because of how informal i'm hoping to make it feel but also because it'll be more about me (like as a person, or something maybe) than about the other things i tend to discuss. either way, a retrospective (well, pro-spective? current-spective?) on my writing and fandom life and the things i enjoy here is long overdue.
the subject of this post is quite accurate by all means: i've lived a lot of life lately. this covers much ground: i graduated from university last july (for reference, the last time i was seriously on here i was a sophomore lol), got my chemist license (tldr i majored in chemistry and now have a professional license, which is an entire other can of worms to unpack and will no doubt be written about somewhere down the line), picked up a sport that i now play seriously, learned to drive, etc. many of these are objective and quantifiable achievements that i've always had marked on the roadmap of being a functioning person, i suppose.
there are also more abstract, nebulous things that have occurred: relationships, friendships, interests, passions, gaining an understanding of things, realizing that there is so much you do not know, realizing once more that you know nothing at all, endings, beginnings, things in between that denote something not quite continuation, like standing on the platform and feeling deep within you somehow that the train won't be coming. this has, inevitably, changed the way my life is. there are people i no longer talk to and people i now talk to way too much. places i once frequented i now actively avoid, i sit a little differently in the car i now know how to drive. it's also changed the way i view my life (and people go on and on about how important worldview is, but you only truly realize what they mean when you can remember understanding things slightly differently not so long ago, in a way that makes you stand a little too still in the present moment) somewhat profoundly, in both good and bad ways i do not yet know how to evaluate or explain.
all of this is very far removed, of course, from chainsaw man and kpop boys and making real people kiss on ao3 and the like. the thing is, i've always written about the things i feel and understand--porting my life philosophy on lee juyeon brain is is sort of the entire point. for reasons i both know too intimately and actively avoid, i've yet to really examine the ways in which my understanding of the world around me has changed, and it kind of scares me to dip my toes back into this. and being out of practice is a factor as well--the most i've written in the past two years is an eighty page thesis on cone snail venom (honestly, very interesting!), which doesn't exactly translate to internet yaoi. but hey, i'm a scientist by trade: we are stubborn and reckless creatures obsessed with the how and why. writing might be the most efficient (and only way) to get to the bottom of any of this.
long story short: i'll probably start writing again. about what? it really depends. i've been less invested in tbz as of late (god bless them but the new label fucked them up lol i'm sorry), but rpf has to some extent always been about the construction of characters separate from reality so the extent of this deviation in interest remains to be seen. i've been really into riize lately. cortis is interesting (but also very, VERY young...i really don't know how comfortable i am with that lol go figure). chainsaw man is undergoing a renaissance in my head but i'm too lazy to actually pick it up again (however, we shall see). i still do graphic design. let's figure out where all of this takes me (hopefully, some place where people end up reading whatever i ramble about because i am a fickle, vain creature).
i won't be writing in lapslock by the way this is a temporary thing to get the words flowing. and well, it sort of worked in a manner i'd have never allowed two years ago. More life I've lived, I guess.
the subject of this post is quite accurate by all means: i've lived a lot of life lately. this covers much ground: i graduated from university last july (for reference, the last time i was seriously on here i was a sophomore lol), got my chemist license (tldr i majored in chemistry and now have a professional license, which is an entire other can of worms to unpack and will no doubt be written about somewhere down the line), picked up a sport that i now play seriously, learned to drive, etc. many of these are objective and quantifiable achievements that i've always had marked on the roadmap of being a functioning person, i suppose.
there are also more abstract, nebulous things that have occurred: relationships, friendships, interests, passions, gaining an understanding of things, realizing that there is so much you do not know, realizing once more that you know nothing at all, endings, beginnings, things in between that denote something not quite continuation, like standing on the platform and feeling deep within you somehow that the train won't be coming. this has, inevitably, changed the way my life is. there are people i no longer talk to and people i now talk to way too much. places i once frequented i now actively avoid, i sit a little differently in the car i now know how to drive. it's also changed the way i view my life (and people go on and on about how important worldview is, but you only truly realize what they mean when you can remember understanding things slightly differently not so long ago, in a way that makes you stand a little too still in the present moment) somewhat profoundly, in both good and bad ways i do not yet know how to evaluate or explain.
all of this is very far removed, of course, from chainsaw man and kpop boys and making real people kiss on ao3 and the like. the thing is, i've always written about the things i feel and understand--porting my life philosophy on lee juyeon brain is is sort of the entire point. for reasons i both know too intimately and actively avoid, i've yet to really examine the ways in which my understanding of the world around me has changed, and it kind of scares me to dip my toes back into this. and being out of practice is a factor as well--the most i've written in the past two years is an eighty page thesis on cone snail venom (honestly, very interesting!), which doesn't exactly translate to internet yaoi. but hey, i'm a scientist by trade: we are stubborn and reckless creatures obsessed with the how and why. writing might be the most efficient (and only way) to get to the bottom of any of this.
long story short: i'll probably start writing again. about what? it really depends. i've been less invested in tbz as of late (god bless them but the new label fucked them up lol i'm sorry), but rpf has to some extent always been about the construction of characters separate from reality so the extent of this deviation in interest remains to be seen. i've been really into riize lately. cortis is interesting (but also very, VERY young...i really don't know how comfortable i am with that lol go figure). chainsaw man is undergoing a renaissance in my head but i'm too lazy to actually pick it up again (however, we shall see). i still do graphic design. let's figure out where all of this takes me (hopefully, some place where people end up reading whatever i ramble about because i am a fickle, vain creature).
i won't be writing in lapslock by the way this is a temporary thing to get the words flowing. and well, it sort of worked in a manner i'd have never allowed two years ago. More life I've lived, I guess.
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