caihong | musings iv: i got you, moonlight

here again with more fic musings! this time for my debut fic in the tbz tag, i got you, moonlight! it's my first time writing for such a small ao3 tag in a long time so it was both exciting and nerve-wracking? also because it was my first time writing trans characters so i think this is a good learning experience for me :) without further ado, here we go:

the title: the working title for this wip was initially 'please tell me what it's like to think about us', which was a tweet from a quote bot i can't remember the username for :( but i didn't think the end result quite matched it anymore so i changed it to this lyric from levitating by dua lipa! the fact that kevin and juyeon met at a dive bar gives rise to a song like that i feel!

trans boy kevin: this was not apart of the original wip idea but i've been meaning to write a trans character for a little while now and thought i'd take on this opportunity to do it! that being said, if there's anything you think needs editing or deleting please let me know. same goes for non-binary trans boy changmin. i think they're just neat <33

inspiration: definitely goes out to the boyz identity film 'generation z'. i built juyeon's characterisation from this ('juyeon is not such a good boy' T___T) and the interesting relationship the members have with their public personas versus their personal perceptions, and thus, how they look to grow in the future post-rtk which was a turning point in their careers. another point would be the influx of vita and virginia tweets i saw on my tl and this one fic i read where juyeon was a lit major and i put two and two together to create bisexual lit major juyeon!

"The glitter around his eyes and cheeks catch the light and his face is glinting like a crystal. What an absolute dream of a boy." - i think kevin would look absolutely stunning in face highlight and glitter, and because of this, another possible title was 'glitter in the sky, glitter in my eye' from levitating as well!

"“Oh Kevin, you’re making me blush.” Juyeon winds his hands around Kevin’s neck and feels for the hair at the back of his neck. Juyeon is still taken aback by how pretty the man holding him is, and Kevin, somewhat satiated now, leans forward and blinks up from under his fringe." - i was thinking of the stealer kevin in this scene, but my mind kept casting back to kevin in contact lenses and his purple hair from bloom bloom which i think would definitely compliment the setting with the neon lights and the grimey bar bathroom

"“Would you gift me the honour of your presence at the Van Gogh Alive exhibit at the museum on Saturday night before dinner?”" - this is an actual exhibit in sydney where i'm from, and i have plans to see it after i finish exams with my family but it's really cool! it's a whole Experience versus just any normal exhibit so i really recommend you have a look online!

"He takes Kevin dancing at the jazz club where a bunch of middle-aged ladies and gentlemen have found their perch on the brink of retirement as well" - this is definitely inspired by that scene in la la land where ryan gosling takes emma stone to that jazz club

"Jaehyun and by default Jacob and Younghoon, believe that they’re in love but too scared to own up to it." - 97z ot3 is something i think about A Lot

"Kevin is his light at the end of the tunnel and Juyeon prays to whatever gods are out there listening, that he’s Kevin’s too." - very subtle light motif here. kevin's intro being 'i'm your moonlight boy' is something i hold very dear to my heart because he really does signify moonlight to me, the comfort that moonlight brings and the fact that his mind is such an interesting place and he has so much to share with us! we need to talk about kevin.

"The one he writes his sonnets about, his Write-tober submissions for the school newsletter illustrating one out of thirty-one details Juyeon has the honour of seeing each day, the details that Juyeon has committed to memory and handpicked from his mind out of the thousand and a million ones in there. The Vita to his Virginia, Alfred to his Oscar." - this is a great act of me imposing my life into fiction. though i wish i was participating in write-tober my lovely friend ash (hereinevitably on dreamwidth) is, as are many other of my friends on twitter. plus i feel like juyeon should share my adoration of poems! and of course i had to throw in our literary heroes, vita and virginia, and oscar and lord alfred. something about gay writers of the 20th century.

"“Oh yeah? What makes you think I want you?” Kevin’s hair is back to black, and it’s getting into his eyes now. Juyeon is reminded of neon lights and hot hands on his skin." - starting from here was what i first started writing for this wip, just the dialogue part though! the image was just so vivid in my mind and i could see it all unfolding before me so i had to do something about it, aka this fic

"“I am reduced to a thing that wants Kevin.”/ “The gay lit major you are. Is that legally the only thing you lot can quote from your memory?” If Juyeon has VitaVirginiaBot’s push notifications on, that’s nobody’s business but his own." - i thought this was pretty funny... but that could just be me

"Juyeon doesn’t know how it’ll end, but if he’s got moonlight in his hands, he doesn’t think it’ll matter at all." - this is from moonlight by ariana grande, another moon-related song that i love a lot! i originally wanted to include something about the sun in this scene, cast over their bodies and dappling them but i totally forgot about it when i posted. but if you happen to be reading this, i hope that establishes the scene even more

thank you for reading! i hope to write more tbz fic in the future and more trans characters as well- we need more of them in our lives.