writing: if only i could let you know
Aug. 25th, 2021 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caihongHe can master expressions from the entire spectrum of emotion, and pick and choose which one he wants to wear that day. It’s what he’s been practising for his entire life, because you don’t just get to be on stage without putting the work in. Sure he’s a singer, not an actor but the line of separation starts to blur once you’re in the limelight for so long. Lasered to perfection.
And yet in the face of Younghoon, his ability to conceal flies out the window. In the face of someone who loves him past all the pretence, who loves the Sunwoo that’s still twenty-two and not as grown as he should be after all this time. In the face of Younghoon, he learns that he can be loved not just despite but also because of it all.
“Sunwoo, I’m home!”
Sunwoo sticks his head up from the couch and sees Younghoon taking off his dress shoes and makes his way to the doorway to give him a warm welcome.
“Hi hyung.” A kiss. Sunwoo’s been really good at giving those lately.
Younghoon smiles wide through the first kiss and goes in for another one when Sunwoo pulls back.
“Hello to you too babe. How was work?”
Sunwoo grumbles in response and pads off to the couch again to grab a manila folder.
“New contract that I don’t want to sign.” Younghoon takes the folder and starts flicking through the pages.
“Cobie-hyung told me I don’t have to take it but I know he wants me to,” Sunwoo mumbles, nestling into Younghoon and he only hums, letting Sunwoo lay his head on his lap as he reads it.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do Sunwoo-yah. And personally, I don’t think I want you to do this either.” He wrinkles his nose. “Animal cosplay competition? I know you’d get to be on a panel with Lee Juyeon, but at what cost?”
Sunwoo bursts into laughter at his boyfriend’s face and Younghoon’s expression is only exacerbated when he reaches the last page.
“All judges will be expected to dress up—alright that’s it, I’m burning this for you. Why does Jacob want you to take this?!” He blows up and Sunwoo can’t stop cackling as Younghoon’s expression grows increasingly confused and almost upset.
“Because I’ve never been invited to a show on this channel before, and one of the PDs is good friends with someone Jacob wants me to connect with.” Younghoon scowls again before putting the folder on the coffee table and looking at Sunwoo.
“And do you want to connect with that person?”
“You know Jacob hyung always wants the best for me.” Younghoon gives him a look and Sunwoo feels himself wince.
“No actually, not really.”
Younghoon doesn’t look satisfied as much as he does relieved. Sunwoo already feels at ease seeing the lines on his forehead disappear.
“You need to stop doing that. It’s okay to say no sometimes Sunwoo.” It’s okay to put yourself first, is what Sunwoo takes from that and he would do well to listen every time his boyfriend tells him this, but in typical Sunwoo fashion, he never does. Old habits die hard and Sunwoo is a chronic people-pleaser.
“I know, hyung,” Sunwoo replies softly, eyes unblinking as they meet Younghoon’s.
“Come,” Younghoon lifts Sunwoo’s head up and he stands up, only to see Younghoon reclining himself on the arm of the sofa and patting the space in front of him. The smile doesn’t match the attire, with his expensive blazer jacket still on alongside all of his cufflinks and tie still knotted at the base of his throat. Sunwoo saves his own amusement at the sight for later. He still lets out a snort before sitting down and kicking his legs up, slotting himself right beside his boyfriend.
“I’m really proud of you, you know that Sunwoo-yah?” Younghoon says quietly, fingers finding their way into Sunwoo’s hair, while his other hand comes around Sunwoo’s shoulder to intertwine with his hand.
“I know hyung. Thank you for being here.” Sunwoo could write a whole album draft of songs dedicated to the people he’s grateful for, and one CD would be dedicated to the man holding his hand right now.
For someone he met at a business conference, he didn’t think that Younghoon The Lawyer would be so charming, or so empathetic either. It went from drinks at a bar with the entire troupe of Sunwoo’s legal team, to sharing his deepest concerns over lunch with just them two, and then Younghoon’s undying devotion to making sure Sunwoo wouldn’t have to go through it alone anymore. It happened in the blink of an eye as it sometimes with Younghoon, and Sunwoo has made a conscious effort to slow it down. Savouring it while it lasts.
“You don’t have to thank me for anything baby,” Younghoon says sincerely, as is with everything he says and does regarding their Sunwoo, and presses a kiss into his hair. It’s still matted from the shower and Sunwoo realises belatedly that he's dressed in one of Younghoon’s jumpers and sweats from high school.
A kid like him with a man like Younghoon. Who would’ve thought.
“Stop thinking so loud babe.”
Sunwoo turns around to see Younghoon pouting and he fake-vomits at the sight.
“Hey!”
“Old man tries to act cute, circa 2021.”
“You’re such a little shit. We were having a moment!” Younghoon yells as Sunwoo jumps up and runs away from him.
They end up in the kitchen with Younghoon sitting on the counter, successfully trapping Sunwoo with his long legs.
“Prick,” Younghoon says fondly and Sunwoo flutters his lashes.
“So I’ve heard.”
Younghoon doesn’t reply, only staring at Sunwoo silently and Sunwoo has the urge to look away.
“Hyung, stop looking at me like that.”
“Why? Is it making you uncomfortable?” Younghoon bends over, tugging Sunwoo closer by the waist with his arms, clearly enjoying Sunwoo’s discomfort.
“You’re so beautiful.” Sunwoo’s breath hitches in his throat. Nobody makes him feel the way he does. Like he’s worth the entire world.
“Shut up,” he shoots back weakly and Younghoon smiles, eyes creasing into crescents and it makes Sunwoo’s heart skip a beat.
After all this time, it still feels like a dream to have Younghoon by his side.
“I love you Sunwoo-yah.” Sincere, like always.
Sunwoo can only look back into those starry orbs and pretend that he deserves it.
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Date: 2021-08-25 04:38 am (UTC)πππππππππ GOODBYE